Becoming the Woman of His Dreams: Seven Qualities Every Man Longs For by Sharon Jaynes (Harvest House, 2005) is an eye-opening investigation into the hearts of married men.
The Seven Things Men Want in Marriage
Becoming the Woman of His Dreams is not another Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus (John Gray, HarperCollins, 1993). While Jaynes acknowledges that men and women have differences in communicating, her entire focus is on what a woman can do in her own life to improve marital relations. Nor is Becoming the Woman of His Dreams another Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger (HarperCollins, 2004). While Proper Care does bring attention to the often-overlooked husband, Jaynes is more focused on serving God by serving her husband than she is on keeping her man at home.
Jaynes Speaks to Christian Wives and Mothers
Like many of Jaynes’ books, her target audience is Christian wives and mothers. She starts her book by counseling women to pray for their husbands. But Jaynes does not stop there. Knowing her audience, Jaynes unapologetically uses Bible quotations to frame the discussion. She does not shy away from using Ephesians 5:22-23 which directs women to submit to their husbands and she does not attempt to deny that the husband’s authority to lead comes from God. The reader gets the impression that Jaynes understands the challenges that modern women face in accepting these truths and commiserates with them. She knows that Proverbs 31 is an ideal that is hard to reach and can be in direct conflict with what the modern world in general values.
Jaynes breaks down what men want into the acronym PRAISES. The woman of his dreams:
- Prays for him
- Respects him
- Adores him
- Initiates intimate friendship with him
- Safeguards her marriage
- Encourages him
- Sexually fulfills him
Each quality is broken into subsections to deal with each area specifically and fully. There are Biblical references, anecdotes and personal stories that make each chapter fly.
Married Women Need This Book
Do modern women need a book that tells them they should love and serve their husbands? Absolutely, they do. Many Generation Xers and younger generations grew up in homes that faced divorce or a loss of religion. Loving, nurturing relationships might not have been modeled or feminist ideals may have replaced traditional family roles.
The older women who are supposed to instruct the younger ones (Titus 2:4-5) might not have been able to do it. Christian wives and mothers today need direction in knowing how to create a loving home for their Christian husbands. They also need to know that serving God and caring for their husbands are intertwined. Jaynes seeks to be the mentor of women who want to live life as Christian wives and mothers dedicated to God and their husbands.
One of the most revealing, insightful and sometimes devastating parts of the book are the quotes taken from men who answered questionnaires for Jaynes. Always candid, the quotes from the men sometimes praise their wives and sometimes reveal the man’s innermost heart. The reader is drawn in by these quotes and they serve to show the man’s side of the situation.
A Self-Help Book for Troubled Marriages
Becoming the Woman of His Dreams doesn’t just preach to modern Christian wives what they should be doing. Jaynes provides several lists of ideas, such as “Twenty-five Things Your Husband Longs to Hear.” These lists are the perfect stepping stones to make following Jaynes’ suggestions more practical. Any Christian wife and mother can pledge to adore her husband, but Jaynes gives readers multiple lists of ways to try and show it.
These practical, hands-on guides make the difference between reading about a life change and implementing a life change that improves a marriage. Becoming the Woman of His Dreams also includes scriptural prayers for husbands and a study guide to independently research what the Bible says about being a Christian wife and mother.
More From Sharon Jaynes
Readers who enjoy Becoming the Woman of His Dreams may also enjoy Jaynes’ Becoming a Woman Who Listens to God. Jaynes served as the vice president of Proverbs 31 Ministries for 10 years. Her new book, “I’m Not Good Enough” … And Other Lies Women Tell Themselves came out in January 2009.
Becoming the Woman of His Dreams: Seven Qualities Every Man Longs For, (ISBN: 978-0-7369-1351-5, 301 pages).
Genna Cockerham - Genna Cockerham has been writing online since November 2008. She served as Marriage Feature Writer from December 2008 to February ...
