- Couples Can Resolve Marriage Issues about Money - Photo by Seemann/morguefile
Traditional wisdom states money is among the leading causes of divorce, but experts say this often-quoted fact may be grounded more in myth or history than in modern reality.
Is Money Among Top Causes of Divorce?
Money may not be the marriage-buster it is commonly thought to be, Alison Lobron reports in the Jan. 18, 2009, Boston Globe article, “Does Money Really Wreck a Marriage?” Lobron contends that married couples can argue over issues about money but research shows divorce and money problems don’t have to go hand in hand.
“I'd heard for years this idea that money was the number one cause of divorce, but I'd never seen any empirical data,” Utah consumer economist Jan Andersen told Lobron. Andersen teaches workshops on personal finance at Utah State University. When researching evidence of divorce and money issues, he found “financial problems are a very poor predictor of divorce.”
Marriage and Money in Economic Downturns
As married couples face the economic downturn and money gets tight, it might seem like more couples would be divorcing over money. A recent study by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers shows this may not be the case. In fact, 37 percent of members of the AAML report that they typically see a decline in the number of divorces during national economic downturns rather than an increase. Nineteen percent of members say hard economic times are increasing divorces.
Divorce and Money Linked by Law
So where does the “money is the most common cause of divorce” manta come from? Andersen says it may have become popular before no-fault divorce was created, Lobron explains. What used to be a legal argument supporting a claim for divorce has become an easy way to explain marriage trouble to others without placing blame. “It's really easy to say, ‘We had money troubles,’ as opposed to, ‘I was a jerk in our marriage,’” says Andersen.
Marital Problems Can be More than Money
Lobron doesn’t deny that money trouble is a common marriage problem and experts agree that married couples can have radically different ideas about money. Certified financial planner Rick Fingerman told Lobron he often helps couples identify their financial goals and urges compromise when those goals differ. “Compromise is a great word, not just for money, but in a relationship,” Fingerman says.
While some arguments over money are due to differing goals or values, sometimes money fights are about other issues. Cambridge therapist Georgianna Collins tells Lobron many couples fight about money when the real issues are much deeper. Fights about money can be about who is in control, who does not feel appreciated and which partner’s values and goals are not being considered. “Money can be a source of stress,” Collins says, “But it's usually not the main thing couples fight about.”
Divorce and money problems may seem like they are linked, but experts say married couples can resolve their issues about money. Couples with marriage trouble and fights about money can resolve marriage issues by working together to compromise to accommodate each other’s financial goals. Couples may need separate bank accounts to resolve marital problems. Couples who often fight over money may be hiding deeper issues that need to be addressed in marital counseling.
Genna Cockerham - Genna Cockerham has been writing online since November 2008. She served as Marriage Feature Writer from December 2008 to February ...
