How to Choose Names for Step-Parents

Remarried Couples Face Challenge of What to Call a Step-Parent

Jan 1, 2009
Genna Cockerham

Remarried? Help Kids Find Names for Step-Parents - Photo by Laura Leavell

Children of remarried couples can choose names for step-parents that don't cause hard feelings with biological parents.

Remarried couples often face a challenge in deciding what children should call step-parents, especially when biological parents are still in the picture.

Considering the Other Parent’s Feelings

When deciding what to call a step-parent, it’s important to consider the other parent’s feelings. Choosing a name for the step-mother or step-father that makes biological parents uncomfortable can put the child in a difficult position. This is especially important in situations with shared custody. Children should not have to watch what they call a step-parent when they are in a biological parent’s home. It is a very rare situation when calling a step-parent Mom or Dad is the best choice. Fortunately, there are other options.

Use the Step-Parent’s First Name

In some situations, the best option for remarried couples may be for the child to call a step-mother or step-father by first name. This option works well for older children, especially those who have left the home. As long as the child speaks to the step-parent with respect, being on a first-name basis can avoid a lot of the more difficult questions that can arise when selecting a name for step-parents.

First names don’t work for parents who do not feel comfortable with children calling adults by their given names. This is not necessarily the best solution in a home with younger children either.

Create a Nickname for the Step-Parent

For adults who prefer not to be called by their first names, creating a special nickname for the step-parent may be an option. Using a nickname reinforces the special relationship between child and step-parent without threatening the biological parent who has shared custody. The nickname should be something that the remarried couple, the child and step-parent are comfortable using. It can be a form of the adult’s name, a childhood nickname the step-parent once used or a generic nickname. Ideas for step-mothers include Missy or Mimi. Pop or Poppa may work for step-fathers if these terms aren’t being used by the grandparents.

Use “Aunt” for Step-Mothers

There are several options for names for step-mothers when looking to other languages. Using the term for aunt in a foreign language can be a beautiful alternative, according to Dr. Jann Blackstone-Ford and Sharyl Jupe of Bonus Families®. Blackstone-Ford and Jupe suggest considering Tia or Zia. French offers a few possibilities, such as Tante (aunt), Belle Mere (step-mother) or Ma Mere. “It sounds close to Mama, but it’s not, so hopefully, it will not offend anyone,” say Blackstone-Ford and Jupe.

Use Initials for Step-Fathers

Although the nickname and foreign language options are limited for step-fathers, there are choices beyond simply using his first name. Remarried couples may want the children to consider calling their step-fathers by their initials. Some men’s names work well as initials. For men whose initials for first and middle names don’t work, try his first and last name initials instead. Using initials is another form of choosing a nickname for a step-father.

Remarried couples may find it difficult for children to decide what to call a step-parent, but there are options available for blended families. Being flexible and open-minded while considering the other parent’s feelings can help to find a compromise that establishes a family connection without causing unnecessary tensions.